Mating in Captivity: Unlocking Erotic Intelligence

With a New Preface by the Author

"The world’s best-known relationship expert.”- The New York Times

“Makes fewer promises and raises thornier questions thanany other how-to-improve-your-relationship book. . . which is exactly why youshould read this one.” ―ELLE

A special twentieth-anniversary edition of the internationally bestselling and culturally groundbreaking book that cemented Esther Perel as the iconic relationship psychotherapist for today.

In the twenty years since Mating in Captivity was published in 2006, it has become a global phenomenon, as has its author, Esther Perel. As a psychotherapist and thought leader, Perel is widely considered one of the world’s most original and respected voices on erotic intelligence.

Drawing on decades of clinical experience, Mating in Captivity examines the obstacles and anxieties that arise when our quest for secure love conflicts with our pursuit for freedom and passion. It illuminates the complexities of sustaining desire in long-term relationships and shows how more playful, adventurous, and even poetic sex is possible. Wise, witty, and as revelatory as it is practical, Perel’s bold and provocative take on intimacy is ever more relevant today, asking:

Why does great sex so often fade for couples who claim to love each other as much as ever? Why doesn’t good intimacy guarantee good sex?
Can we want what we already have?
Why does the transition to parenthood so often spell erotic disaster?


In a new preface, Perel reveals the personal origin story behind the book and reflects upon the many cultural shifts since its publication. This twentieth-anniversary edition invites us to reconsider the timeless paradoxical union of domesticity and desire―and offers a guide to bringing lust home.

'Hello, I'm Esther... I imagine a world where we experience a sense of aliveness and vitality in our relationships, because the quality of our relationships determines the quality of our lives. I've dedicated my life and career to understanding and improving human relationships. Let's continue to learn together.'

Psychotherapist and New York Times bestselling author Esther Perel is recognized as one of today’s most insightful and original voices on modern relationships. Fluent in nine languages, she helms a therapy practice in New York City and serves as an organizational consultant for Fortune 500 companies around the world. Her celebrated TED Talks have garnered more than 20 million views and her international bestseller Mating in Captivity: Unlocking Erotic Intelligence became a global phenomenon translated into 25 languages. Her newest book is theNew York Times bestseller The State of Affairs: Rethinking Infidelity. Esther is also an executive producer and host of the award-winning podcast Where Should We Begin? Learn more at EstherPerel.com or by following @EstherPerelOfficial on Instagram.

“Perel is the people’s therapist.” —The Financial Times

"Esther doesn’t shy away from the hard truths about relationships, love and desire … and our marriage is better for it … Mating in Captivity is a gift to relationships everywhere … There was an entire 6 months where every conversation started with ‘so what Esther would say is…’" —Glennon
Doyle and Abby Wambach, activists, New York Times bestselling authors of Untamed and Wolfpack, and hosts of the podcast We Can Do Hard Things

“Esther Perel has the number-one secret to chemistry that lasts.” —Jay Shetty, #1 New York Times bestselling author and host of the On Purpose podcast

“Few works have been as impactful as Mating in Captivity in expanding the world’s imagination for what is possible and desired, in navigating the delicious tumult of our erotic lives.” —Dr.
Justin Garcia, PhD, executive director of the Kinsey Institute and author of The Intimate Animal

“She knows why sex falters in long-term relationships, and how to remedy it.” —The Guardian

“Esther Perel’s Mating in Captivity is transformative. [Perel’s] work laid the foundation for the conversations I can have with guests on Call Her Daddy and the way our society talks about modern relationships, love, and intimacy. It’s one of those books that I always come back to.” —Alex Cooper, founder of Unwell and creator of the Call Her Daddy podcast

“The key to a sexy marriage.” —Glamour

“For twenty years, Mating in Captivity has stood as one of the most honest explorations of modern love—not the love we perform for others, but the one we struggle to sustain behind closed doors. Esther’s genius lies in her ability to see people fully, without judgement, holding the complexity of who we are with compassion and precision. At a time when society rushes to label and divide, she reminds us that understanding begins where judgement ends. Her work gave language to the quiet tensions that live inside intimacy: desire and duty, safety and adventure, love and autonomy. It helped us see that these contradictions are not failures, but features of the human experience. Few voices have shaped our understanding of relationships as profoundly as hers. In a world obsessed with image and performance, Esther continues to bring us back to the truth of what it means to connect, to want, and to be seen.” —Trevor Noah, comedian and New York Times bestselling author of Born a Crime

“Mating in Captivity takes a hard line against one of the most time-honored institutions in human history: the sexless marriage…It reads like a cross between the works of Jacques Lacan and French Women Don’t Get Fat.” —The New Yorker